Dcn Brigid Waszczak
Saul was…breathing… murderous threats against the… disciples. He went to the high priest…for letters to the synagogues in Damascus…that if he found any there who belonged to the Way…he might take them as prisoners…As he neared Damascus…a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say…“Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
“Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.
“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting…get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”
Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing…For three days he was blind. —Acts 9:1-6, 8-9
Dramatic! Saul’s conversion is a familiar and often told story when discerners discuss “call.” Most people do not experience such a striking sense of call. Saul’s is not the norm. Thank goodness! If everyone endured this kind of event, discernment would be easy. Instead, awareness of God luring us into ministry is less obvious and harder to articulate.
While studying to be a deacon, many in my class admitted to not being completely sure they heard a call. They were pursuing the diaconate hoping to become more certain. A few told tales of friends, priests, or people in their congregations identifying their gift for ministry and urging them to seek ordination. In truth, we were all still discerning God’s plan for us.
My own awareness grew slowly. There was no lightning bolt moment, no flashing neon sign pointing toward ordained ministry. Little bread-crumb-clues appeared on a path that meandered for decades. Obstacles—women not being permitted to be ordained in my Catholic tradition—loomed large.
Like most who feel called, following God’s whispers involved my taking risks and making complicated changes. I needed to release what existed to embrace the unknown. That moment arrived for me after a visit with Saint Philip’s then-Rector about seeking Episcopal ordination. I walked out of his office and asked myself, “What have you done?!!!”
Call is subtle and sneaky. Awareness steals into consciousness when least expected. Like Saul/ Paul, it might come as a sudden flash of insight that quickly vanishes, only to return again and again.
No two tales of call are identical. Each of us experiences it differently. Listening to others’ stories helps clarify God’s persuasive pursuit in our life. And every call does not necessarily lead to ordination. It can mean employing our gifts in new ways to lead people to God through lay ministry, community connection, or volunteering.
I invite you to reach out if you hear murmurings of call in your life.
—Dcn Brigid
brigie@hotmail.com