Fr Robert Hendrickson

Dear Friends in Christ,

I wonder if you have something you cling to despite all evidence?

I think we all do. We all have something that deep down we suspect might be true but that we actively work to deny. Perhaps we grasp at bits of evidence to justify our denial.

Here’s one of mine: sunscreen.

I’m probably a bit of a conspiracy theorist when it comes to sunscreen.

When I grew up, every kid was outside all day. We all had a tan. In fact, our moms would put that coconut smelling tanning lotion on us so we would get more tanned. We were told that we needed to get a sunburn first so that we’d develop a “base tan,” and then a deeper tan would set in and we’d be somehow UV and cancer resistant.

Then Big Sunblock bought off all the doctors. Or at least that’s how I imagine it!

I know there are studies that say that we should wear sunscreen. I know that cancer rates are blah, blah, blah. Somewhere along the way, though, I’ve convinced myself that the chemicals in sunscreen are more toxic than the natural warmth of the sun.

It’s not consistent. For example, I am more than happy to use gallons of bug spray to repel mosquitoes.

All of us have oddly conflicting bits of belief that don’t quite weave together. And I’ve heard all the evidence. I know people who have had skin cancer, too.

But I tune it out because my memories of what summer and fun and freedom mean are somehow intertwined with those days on beaches or hikes or pools where we weren’t worried about nature and the sun. We were excited to be out in it and enjoying the warmth.

I know better now. But I always kind of resent the facts and I chafe at being reminded of them.

In our spiritual life there are these kinds of moments too.

We know better. We know we should choose the good even when we chafe against it or it annoys us. Probably even more when it annoys us. But we know better.

We remember something that reminds us of a time or place or relationship that somehow imprinted something on our soul or memory or psyche or spirit. So we stick with the illusion even when the facts are clear.

I think of the spiritual life as a kind of advanced version of the Barry Goldwater campaign slogan. “In your heart, you know he’s right” the ads said.

In our hearts we generally know what’s right. Except when we don’t. Sometimes we swear we know better. Like my conviction that sunscreen’s chemicals are more harmful than the sun.

In my heart I know I’m right. Except deeper down I know I’m not.

Deeper down we know when we’ve gone astray even when every justification bubbles up to help us litigate how we haven’t. Every excuse and obfuscation makes itself ready just when we need it.

As we prepare to enter the season of Lent in a short time, it’s a good period to begin asking ourselves about what’s in our heart.

What do we know that’s right?

What do we know that’s right that really probably isn’t?

What do we need to look at more closely?

In the meantime, I’ll try to come around to sunscreen. Even though I know better. But I know better than that.

Right?

Yours in Christ,

—Fr Robert