Mtr Mary Trainor

I may only be a speck of dust floating in a universe vast…*

Dear friend,

These days, there is much to wonder and worry about. Or at least it seems that way to me. Will I run out of money before I die? Will I succumb to a global pandemic? How do I reconcile myself with systems that are bringing about the destruction of our world? How do I rest, when I have so much privilege while others struggle for a toehold?

I will bring a speck's worth of love to life, a speck more of hope, a speck more of laughter.

In the midst of this worry and wonder, I came across our passage today from Numbers (13:31-14:25.) It’s an account of worry and wonder among the Israelites in the wilderness upon hearing accounts from a spy mission into the land of Canaan, the land God promised.

The spy group contained representatives from each of the twelve tribes of Israel. Upon their return, the majority said the promised land did in fact flow with milk and honey. But to their horror, the people were giant-like and violent. It was an impossible--and foolish?--mission.

One lone member--Caleb--offered a different view, but the people of God were already riled up, thinking
God’s promise to be a broken promise. Talk started about going back to Egypt. What are we doing out here anyway?

God noticed Caleb, even though the majority ignored him. And God would reward Caleb “because he has a different spirit and has followed me wholeheartedly.”

I will add a speck of compassion, to tip the scales of creation...

Also this week a friend sent me a passage from a favorite source, a passage I have excerpted here between the lines. It helps a lot, seizing as it does so perfectly on the heart of the matter. Whether the Israelites in the wilderness, or Caleb and his clear heart, or my problems today about resources and privilege.

It’s not a new idea, but it is a good idea. Just like Caleb, I am only one. Maybe I am called to go against the crowd. Or maybe I am in the crowd, hearing in Caleb’s clear voice something for my own heart, something to ponder and treasure. Something that may help me sleep tonight. Or get me up tomorrow, ready to go again.

May I find strength sufficient for each day’s work without dwelling on what did not get done. And may I be so bold as to hope that God finds that I, too, have a different spirit and have followed God wholeheartedly.

A speck of dust I may only be, but a speck of light is still light to those who sit in darkness.

Mtr Mary

*From Hope as Old as Fire: A Spiritual Diary, by Steven Charleston, an elder of the Choctaw Nation and the retired Episcopal bishop of Alaska.