Kelsi Vanada

Dear Friends,

I love the story from today’s reading from 1 Kings 19: Elijah hears God’s voice not in the wind, or the earthquake, or the fire, but in the “sound of sheer silence.”

I was very preoccupied with hearing from God in my youth. Some of you know I grew up in the Evangelical tradition; I believed that God would tell me his specific will for me if I prayed hard enough or in the right way. The time came for me to choose which university to attend, but despite months of praying, God hadn’t told me anything. This really unraveled my faith for a time.

It’s hard for me to pray extemporaneously now—I think because in my youth it was tied to feelings of inadequacy, that God was speaking to others when it never happened to me. Maybe like me, you find comfort in our Book of Common Prayer, which can give us the words and allow us to join with all the faithful who have prayed them over time.

In more recent years, I have sometimes felt that I hear God’s voice when I quiet my heart (not easy!) and say nothing. I don’t hear it in words, per say, but sometimes as a kind of prompting. Like a reminder to call my brother when he’s struggling. Being drawn to take a risk and try something new. A feeling of not being alone. And it often comes right away—I don’t have to make a prolonged show of prayer to get a response from God, as though it were a transaction. (And even more often, we just sit together in silence, and that’s ok too.)

I also love that the Episcopal tradition defines prayer as “responding to God, by thought and by deeds, with or without words” (the Catechism, BCP pg 856). I am still learning what this means: I don’t have to invent a bunch of fancy words, or feel the pressure to pray better or longer, but I do need to be more open. It’s not me who moves/acts/speaks first, it’s God—and I get to respond.

How do you hear from God, and how do you respond?

Peace,

—Kelsi