Fr Robert Hendrickson

Dear Friends in Christ,

The Gospel today begins with the following,

If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

What the passage points toward is a simple and difficult truth—the Church is meant to operate differently from society. We are a culture apart from its norms and ways of operating.

Take, for example, what is now popularly called cancel culture. It’s entire premise is based on the public shaming of people for perceived transgressions against a subset of cultural norms. Now I tend to think the reality of this phenomenon is overblown but there is something kind of insidious to the notion that we’ve recreated a version of the stocks or the pillory where we parade people out for public shaming.

The Gospel passage points toward a different way of handling our disputes and differences as the Church. It is predicated not on the right or wrong of the act per se but on the value of the relationship between the members of the Church. We are to respect one another’s dignity by having the courage to not gossip or go around difficult topics but to face them head on and to be respectful of one another’s life in Christ to be open and honest with each other.

You’ll note that the Gospel says the offender is only to be rejected if they “refuse to listen.” The weight is not placed on the correction of behavior but on the willingness to listen.

If at first one-on-one dialogue doesn’t work we are to have further conversation, in the context of the relationships of the Body of Christ and two or three of us are to talk through the difficulties. It sounds simple but how many of us have gotten almost physically ill before a difficult conversation? It’s not easy and I think it’s why Jesus puts it before us as a challenge. It’s a means to grow in naming difficulties and a means of deepening our relationship as living members of the Body—a means of equipping one another to grow in mutual regard.

In a culture where shaming has acquired a new valence and power it seems even more important that we hold to the simple discipline of relationship—that we prize and protect our ability to be open in joy, patient in difficulty, and humble in disputes. There is every chance we might be wrong, too, and we’ll never know that without the simple courage of open dialogue.

Yours in Christ,

—Fr Robert