Mtr Taylor Devine

Dear Friend,

One of this morning’s Psalms, Psalm 142, resonates with some reading I have been doing on compassion for the self and others. The resonance is particularly clear in verse 2. The invitation to “pour out my complaint before God” is a frequent one in the Psalms-Psalms of Lament persist in their power today. But I wonder - do we trust God enough to do what the Psalmist is doing?

1 I cry to the Lord with my voice; *

to the Lord I make loud supplication.

2 I pour out my complaint before him *

and tell him all my trouble.

3 When my spirit languishes within me, you know my path; *

in the way wherein I walk they have hidden a trap for me.

4 I look to my right hand and find no one who knows me; *

I have no place to flee to, and no one cares for me.

5 I cry out to you, O Lord; *

I say, "You are my refuge,

my portion in the land of the living."

6 Listen to my cry for help, for I have been brought very low; *

save me from those who pursue me,

for they are too strong for me.

7 Bring me out of prison, that I may give thanks to your Name; *

when you have dealt bountifully with me,

the righteous will gather around me.

Henri Nouwen’s book “Spiritual Direction: Wisdom for the Long Walk of Faith” describes this impulse to hide our deepest fears and desires, even from God:

Our inclination is to reveal to God only what we feel comfortable in sharing. Naturally, we want to love and be loved by God, but we also want to keep a little corner of our inter life for ourselves, where we can hide and think our own secret thoughts, ream our own dreams, and play with our own mental fabrications. We are often tempted to select carefully the thoughts that we bring into our conversation with God.

What makes us so stingy? …This withholding from God of a large part of our thoughts leads us onto a road that we probably would never consciously want to take. It is the road of spiritual censorship—editing out all the fantasies, worries, ressentements, and disturbing thoughts we do not wish to share with anyone, including God, who sees and knows all.

When we hide our shameful thoughts and repress our negative emotions, we can easily spiral down the emotional staircase to hatred and despair. Far better is it to cry out to God like Job, pouring out to God our pain and anger and demanding to be answered.

So, what does self- and other-compassion have to do with censored prayers? What has not been shared is harder to heal. It’s hard to get where you want to go if you don’t walk through the places necessary to get there. And when we lack compassion for ourselves or others, we can rely on the grace of God. Living in this openness, like Job, will invite uncomfortable change into your life at first, but bringing our whole selves to God in Christ is a powerful offering to the Potter who makes all things new.

In Christ,

Mtr. Taylor

Henri Nouwen with Michael J. Christensen and Rebecca J. Laird, “Spiritual Direction: Wisdom for the Long Walk of Faith.” p. 59