Mtr Mary Trainor

Tempted and tried, we’re oft made to wonder….*

Dear friend,

Suffering poses a particular challenge to people of faith.

Don’t get me wrong. Suffering is lousy for everyone—but for those who worship a God of love and mercy, it can feel like betrayal: I did everything right, I followed all the commandments. But here I am, afflicted in the same way as if I have no belief.

Today’s Office Gospel from Matthew gets at this a bit with the story of a leper who approached Jesus and said, “Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean.” [Jesus] stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I do choose. Be made clean!” 

If you choose. I do choose.

While there are others living about us, never molested though in the wrong.

I once stood in a hospital room crammed with family of the person lying in the bed.  He had just received a terminal diagnosis. The family was praying ceaselessly for healing, restoration to full health. I learned about a week later the patient died.

If you choose. I do choose. Sometimes it seems God chooses something other than what we seek

Death is one thing. It’s a common destiny. But having our lives taken in a horrific way--well that seems a bridge too far for someone we love. And in situations like this, I can imagine a session or two of railing at God in my grief and sorrow.

Toils of the road will then seem as nothing, as we sweep through the beautiful gate.

There’s only so much I am meant to understand. And God’s ways are not my ways. Despite my questioning, my railing, my great disappointment, I eventually come around again to a place of surrender, trying to live my life as true to God as I can, while acknowledging there are just some things that are God’s, and God’s alone.

Mtr Mary

*Farther Along. W. B. Stevens. 1937. Listen here to The Trio (Dolly, Linda, Emmylou)