Ani Weinman

Dear Friends,

My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. It's not without love, but it's not without frustration either. I thought I had made my peace with all that, with her. So I was surprised after I had my first miscarriage how much I wanted my mom. What I was hoping for remained elusive and frankly not in her capacity. Her best intentions resulted in even greater injury.

I would love to tell you that this was the low point and everything got better from there, but that is not how my story goes. There is more pain and there is healing. I did not, and likely never will, receive from my mother what I need or want. But I have received much from the Mother, God, who hears me and sees me and loves me and provides for me. The Mother has given me many mothers to fill in the places that pain and neglect have hollowed.

Our chosen mothers, spiritual mothers, and desert mothers, are all reflecting the image of Mother God. No matter our gender identity we all, in our humanity, possess this image of the Mother in some way inside us. It is a gift to be given, it is a privilege to receive. Experiencing this gift through all my mothers has taught me to call on Mother God.

I’d like to leave you with this: a translation of today's Psalm by a womanist scholar named Wilda Gafney. To read and hear scripture translated using feminine imagery and pronouns for God, though it is not traditional, has had immense healing power for me. I hope that whether you need healing or just a fresh take on scripture translation, you will hear this as the word of God your Mother—or Father if you prefer—and receive whatever gifts are offered to you. 

Psalm 116:1-9 

“I love the GOD WHO HEARS, 
for God has heard my voice and my supplications.
For she opens her ear to me,
whatever day I call.
The snares of death encompassed me;
the torments of Sheol took hold of me,
I found distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the HOLY ONE OF OLD:
“HOLY ONE, please save my life!”
Gracious is the FOUNT OF JUSTICE, and righteous;
our God loves [like a mother].
The FAITHFUL ONE protects the simple;
I was brought low and she saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest,
for the GRACIOUS ONE has dealt generously with you.
For you have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
I shall walk before the AUTHOR OF LIFE
in the lands of the living.”

–Ani