Mtr Mary Trainor

It’s a lesson too late for the learning…*

Dear friend,

I was standing right there, at the very moment, in the very nano-second the story changed. I didn’t hear it secondhand, which itself would have been shattering. I was an eyewitness as the conversation shifted from “treatment options” to “what do we do with the time that is left?”

No doubt some of you have been standing “right there,” too. As painful as those experiences are, they can also be grace-filled, if only we can see it. 

In the wink of an eye my soul is turnin'...

In the Gospel from Matthew offered today, the disciples are having a standing right there moment—and they are having a tough time seeing any grace: “Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and undergo great suffering at the hands of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.”

They reacted poorly. Peter rebuked Jesus. As many of us might have as well. We may reject bad news out of hand. We may lash out at the messenger.

Traveling along with Jesus over the months, they certainly knew he had enemies, those who wished him ill, others who outright wanted him dead.

But what they hear in this Gospel account is that Jesus knew his ministry must meet a very bad end, and that he was--what?--complicit or passive in allowing the events he saw play out rather than changing course to preserve his life?

Well, I could've loved you better, didn't mean to be unkind…

It can be a struggle to find grace in moments of heartbreak. Peace can elude. Anger’s at the ready. Across a lifetime of disappointments and staggering blows, I have likely responded in all the worst ways. Except this once.

My dearest friend Martha’s health was compromised for all of the forty years I knew her. A heart defect at birth controlled much of the content of her life, what she could do, what she could not. Those of us who loved her learned to live with the likelihood of her early demise. Or so we thought.

For the weeds have been steadily growin'
Please don't go, please don't go …

She went into the hospital for a pacemaker to be implanted. Because of her complex medical file, they were over-cautious about testing.

Many friends were in and out of her room as testing was done—but it was only I who was present when the doctor came in to announce that a test showed she had acute leukemia. Whereas in a younger, healthier person some treatment might be suggested, for her it was not practical, and the treatment itself would be grueling. But…the choice was hers. Without one pause, she chose hospice—then turned her head, staring into the middle distance.

The doctor left the room, leaving the two of us in silence, which was broken when she turned to face me, asking, “You think I’m a coward, don’t you?” I answered quickly and honestly: “I think that’s the bravest thing I’ve ever witnessed.”

And there it was, grace, empowering me to accept my friend’s decision.

You've got reason a plenty for goin'
This I know, this I know …

Mtr Mary

*The Last Thing on My Mind, Tom Paxton

Matthew 16:21-28

https://bible.oremus.org/?ql=503760778