Fr Peter Helman (09.13.21)

Dear Beloved,

How and where we feel God present in our lives can shift from hour to hour, and from day to day, depending on circumstances, and that makes sense to me insofar as our awareness of God is always catching up to what God is already doing.  

In a single day, I might wake up with a deep awareness of God’s nearness, that God walks with me every step, speaks in my heart that I am a child of God; and then by nightfall, pausing to reflect on the day, I’ll realize that at some point along the way, or just gradually, I lost track of God.

Isn’t it curious that at times we can gather strength more readily to trust in God’s nearness amid the most challenging moments in life, even though we don’t feel God’s presence? And I find that it is so often true the most joyful moments in my day fail to produce in me a grateful heart.

We each carry with us a worry that is common to all. We worry that our faith isn’t as strong as it should be—and the fact that we’re worrying about it seems only to reinforce the point.

The world is built on the assumption that we should have life figured out like a puzzle and that failure isn’t an option. These are the internal voices we do better without, especially when we suffer and question God’s presence; or rail at God for being absent to us in times of need; or complain to God for an unfair lot in life; or when the gifts of God do little to lead our hearts towards thankfulness. Instead of hiding whatever is within us, these are each occasions to seek God by giving what we have: ourselves, souls and bodies, which means imperfections and all.

Why are we sometimes more ready and willing to bear alone and in silence the weight of our thoughts than to take everything in prayer to God, from whose love we will never be separated? How many times do we try to carry on our own strength what is too heavy to bear? Why not rather admit our need, without fear, and give our God a chance to our hearts of his God’s love? The truth is that God knows us better than we know ourselves, and if that’s the case, that everything is laid bare to God’s loving gaze, why not share with God our anger, frustration, confusion, helplessness, worry, concerns, and anxieties?

There is no shame in weeping before God. There is no shame in shouting to heaven that we don’t understand; that we are filled with fear and doubt; that we are exhausted and can’t go on; that we need help; that we need hearts enlarged by grace; that hope feels lost. God is ready to hear us out, and to carry the burdens that we cast on him.

Yours in Christ,

Fr. Peter