Mtr Mary Trainor

“...when in the dark night of suffering sagacity cannot see a handbreadth ahead of it, then faith can see God, since faith sees best in the dark.” Soren Kierkegaard

Dear friend

Every one of us, I suspect, has a moment of conversion, a move toward God in Christ as the center of our lives. For some of us—me, for instance—there is an ongoing string of conversions, times of reconnecting to God. In my case, it is not so much a big falling away as it is about distraction, wandering around as if I am my own source of light and life.

So how do we get back? Convert again?

Some people connect to Christ so seamlessly it may be hard for them to locate the initial conversion. For others, the first conversion is powerful and memorable. The more we rely on ourselves and the world for direction, the more dramatic the conversion may be.

Today the Church remembers perhaps the most dramatic conversion of all time, that of Saint Paul the Apostle. In today’s reading from Acts (9:1-22) we find  Saul of Tarsus on his way to Damascus astride a horse. Then “...suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard the Risen Lord asking, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’

The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision. Helen Keller

The encounter rendered Saul blind for three days and, with sight restored and after several more days with the disciples, he “began to proclaim Jesus in the synagogues….”

From persecutor of those who followed the Way of Jesus, Saul, now Paul, would become a major voice in calling others to faith in the Way.

Saul/Paul lost his sight but received vision in its place . Most of us don’t get knocked from our perches quite like he did, yet his conversion story nonetheless connects to our own.

I was blind but now I see. John Newton 

I was nine, maybe ten, when I fell in love with Jesus, introduced to him by my passionately evangelical  mother. That was my conversion. But by eleven or so, I turned away from religion, frightened by the punishment-oriented teachings I heard. I thought my choice was that, or nothing. So I pursued the latter for more years than I care to recall. How could I find that love I thought I had lost, how could I find Jesus, how could I convert—again?

In my twenties and later I began to realize something. I may have left religion, but Jesus had not given up on me. In times of despair or isolation, I found myself drawn to the Gospel phonograph records I had collected. I was particularly fond of those by Elvis Presley. I wasn’t aware at the time that this was becoming a pattern, until one friend commented to another, “Mary’s in a mood. She’s listening to those hymns again”

I eventually saw that when I listened to those hymns, in a very real way I was seeking God again. No, more. I was finding God again. 

Mtr. Mary

Tonight, Saint Philip’s in the Hills commemorates the Conversion of Saint Paul the Apostle with a service of Holy Eucharist at 5:30 p.m. in the church, followed by dinner in the East Gallery. I plan to go...perhaps I will see you there.