Mtr Mary Trainor

To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns…*

Dear friend,

Like me, maybe you also know people who set off to “find themselves.” For some, it’s the beginning of an important journey of discovery; for others, it can be a glib phrase to justify abandonment of something important, such as a family.

The management of our lives to assure not only integrity of self, but also responsibility to others, can be a bit of a conundrum.

It was no less so for Jesus, as he stepped away from many in need of help to “find himself,” or rather, to fulfill the mission given to him by God. But it may have felt like abandonment to those he left behind.

To surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects...

When my father was forty-three years old, he walked off from a good-paying job to start his own business or, I might say, our own business, since it took the four of us to make a go of it. I’ve shared some stories from the nursery years, but I don’t believe I’ve ever mentioned how it came into being.

Robert Trainor was not meant to work for others. He was bright and enterprising, hard-working, and loyal. He had started two businesses, made them successful, then sold them. It was wartime, and that changed things. He and my mother moved from Texas to California in order for him to work in the aircraft industry--working for someone else. The money was good, important since they were hoping for a couple of children to come along later.

But he just couldn’t stand it. Having “found himself” with the two earlier businesses, he knew he must do it again--even though now he was risking on behalf of others. Thirty-two years later, on his deathbed, he talked to my brother and me about how he cherished having found the direction of his life, and how much he hoped we would, too.

To want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to the violence of our times.

Reading Luke today I was prompted to think of my father’s commitment to what he saw as his life’s purpose. What I see in both accounts is that “finding oneself,” being true to one’s “call,” doesn’t necessarily win you fans.

We are still in the early part of today’s Gospel, barely out of the wilderness. Jesus has already stirred up concern among folks in synagogues, and driven a demon from a man. Now, he enters Peter’s house and heals the mother-in-law. By sundown, people with any malady imaginable arrive at Peter’s house and Jesus heals them. Exhausted, he seeks time alone--but eager crowds find him. Does he roll up his sleeves, preparing for another day of healing? We sort of suspect he would, maybe even should. But Jesus says no: “I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other cities also; for I was sent for this purpose.”

Jesus honors what God gives him to do and, in so doing, finds himself.

Mtr Mary

*Author: Thomas Merton