Justin Appel

Dear Friends,

In this morning’s appointed psalm, the psalmist speaks in an unvarnished way about the effect that sin has on one’s mind and body. (Read Psalm 38 here.)

It’s a fairly grim picture, one that raises questions about the nature of sin. What is it, and why does it leave us feeling ‘burdened’, ‘overwhelmed’ ‘bowed down’, even ‘wounded’?

It may seem a bit surprising, but traditionally, Christian theologians describe sin as nothing. Julian of Norwich wrote ‘I do not see sin, for I believe that it has no kind of substance, no share in being; nor can it be recognized except by the pain caused by it.’ Saint Gregory of Nyssa also said ‘Sin does not exist in nature apart from free will; it is not a substance in its own right.’ Saint Augustine simply said that ‘Sin is naught’. Saint Maximus the Confessor even suggested that the demons are not ‘evil by nature’, but became who they are by ‘a misuse of power’.

If sin isn’t anything, why is ‘it’ so powerful? In fact, sin requires us to use our wills, to take something good (recalling that all created things are very good), and to twist and misuse that thing. Put another way, nothing is sinful, but our attitude towards the thing certainly can be.

That explains why sin is so powerful: when I sin, I am defacing God’s good creation; I take something which possesses marvelous beauty and purpose, and ruin it.

But I do not simply misuse a good thing when I sin; I also darken and obscure the light of God within me. Thomas Merton described a ‘point of pure truth’, ‘pure glory’ and ‘pure diamond’ within us that is God’s creation, and which I cannot utterly destroy. Early Christian writers referred to this part of your soul as the nous, the intellective spiritual organ that enables you to discern spiritual realities.

When we twist and deface God’s creation with our wills, we clog our nous, rendering us unable to communicate with God, unable to speak to him, unable to return God’s loving gaze. We shut God out with an elaborate wall.

That is why sin kills us, or rather, why we kill ourselves with our sin. We build a wall between ourselves and God.

This is also why repentance is absolutely vital for all of us. When we repent, we are – by the grace of God – changing our own mind, and bringing our wills back into alignment with God’s love and mercy, which remain unchanged. Repentance is cleaning our transparent soul of the grime that has blotched it, so that God’s voice and very self can shine through and illuminate our deepest center.

Thanks be to God: the walls that we build can be torn down. The diamond may be unearthed and polished, even if gradually, and God will give us all the grace necessary to do it.

Yours in Christ,
Justin