Justin Appel

Dear Friends,

If Lent is a time when the Church reminds us of the need to repent, it seems that this process needs to begin with silence.

If I hope to turn my thinking and my living around (and this is what repentance involves), than I know that I must start with self-knowledge. This sounds like a selfish idea at first blush. Indeed, it well might be, if 'self-knowledge' means little more than nurturing my own unrealistic self-perception (or if you like, my ego). Unfortunately, it's quite easy these days to use 'meditation' or other some other tool to help reinforce an external narratives about ourselves that may (or may not) be true.This is common in our increasingly pagan culture, but we Christians can slip into the same mentality when we pray simply to sooth our conscience.

The purpose of silence in the Christian tradition -- so it seems to me -- involves a very different kind of self-rapprochement. Silence, for us, is a posture that strips away -- if we allow it to -- our phony self-perceptions in favor of a simple presence with God. Gone is the assurance of our self-made dignity, of intelligence, of being more valuable than others by virtue of talent or possession. Being self-aware in God's presence must be a fully stripping, disarming, and devastating posture. In fact, it seems like those who get closest to God tell us that this silence is anything but banal or comforting -- rather, it is disconcerting, even terrifying.

Here is where I think Arvo Pärt's music can have value. If we are careful not to use it as a tool for self-affirmation (this is practically what music has become in our society), but rather as an environment in which we begin to see ourselves more clearly -- who we are, who we are becoming, what we really desire -- then the music becomes beneficial, and perhaps even a cherished companion on our Lenten journey.

Yours in Christ,
Justin