Living with conflict
By The Rt Rev’d Jennifer A. Reddall, sixth bishop of Arizona
Conflict is a part of life—and necessarily a part of church life, as well. Whether it is St. Paul writing to the church in Corinth or Galatia about particular behaviors and concerns in local communities; or whether it is a global church working out the place of the papacy and the availability of scripture, the church has never been short on things to disagree about. Sometimes we emerge from conflict stronger in our faith and with greater purpose. Sometimes we emerge bruised and broken—if we emerge at all.
I write about conflict today with three objectives:
The Episcopal Church’s General Convention is meeting next month. There is, and will be, plenty of conflict over the resolutions that are passed (or not passed), and the people elected (or not elected) to leadership. Be prepared.
Our nation is at a state of deep division and conflict, and the election year, as it progresses, seems to indicate that our conflicts will not be resolved. How will we live, as citizens, and as followers of Jesus, through this time?
Finally, there have been a series of congregational and personal conflicts brought to my attention over the past few months—deeper and more intense than much of what I have seen over the past five years; and my assumption is always that if there are several congregations experiencing the same thing that I know about—there are probably more congregations experiencing something similar and I just haven’t been brought into the loop yet. So perhaps offering a lens on church conflict is helpful. And I think it is likely that our national political situation has the capacity to escalate local conflict that is not directly related simply because so many of us are in a state of anxiety, fear, and self-defense.
In a recent interview about congregational vitality, I said, “I’ve never yet met with a church in conflict where someone said ‘We all love Jesus so much, we just can’t get along ourselves.’” I don’t usually hear Jesus getting mentioned or looked to in church conflicts. One of my tactics in conflicted situations is to begin with Bible Study—I find it helps, often, to have the scriptures in front of us to remind us of why we are where we are.
But other models are also helpful. Speed Leas is an author who wrote extensively about conflict—especially church conflict—beginning in the 1980s. His identification of five levels of conflict have been used by successive thinkers, authors, and church leaders. If you’re not familiar with those levels, here they are:
Level 1-A problem to solve
Signs and symptoms: Language is constructive; people use facts to support their arguments
Tactics: Collaboration, seeking the win-win solution
Level 2–Disagreement
Signs and symptoms: Language is used to protect the self; less collaboration and more compromise; jokes have an edge to them
Tactics: Teams can resolve their own conflict at this level.
Level 3–Contest
Signs and symptoms: The goal is to win; factions emerge; appeals to emotion; over-generalizations
Tactics: Accommodate, negotiate, and get facts rather than just feelings.
Level 4–Fight/Flight
Signs and symptoms: People believe the other side is incapable of changing; resolution is impossible; people and positions are seen as identical; language is ideological
Tactics: Establish safety for participants; use diplomacy; speak separately to different parties/groups; attempt to de-escalate the situation.
Level 5–Intractable Situation
Signs and symptoms: the goal is the destruction and elimination of the opponent, not just winning.
Tactics: Figure out how to move forward separately without harming one another.
Where have you seen these levels of conflict in your church congregation? My prayer and my goal as your bishop is to keep our conflicts at levels 1 and 2—but not to shy away from them and to give clergy and lay leaders the skills—and the faith—to move through those levels. But also to be able to identify when the tactics that you would use to address a Level 1 or 2 conflict will no longer be appropriate—and can even make worse—a Level 4 or 5 conflict.
It is hard to be in disagreement with our siblings in Christ. And yet: with the confidence that in Jesus we are one, we are all saved, we are all redeemed, and we are all beloved, we can develop the capacity to love through conflict, and find our way forward.
If you’re interested in reflecting on this more, there are many books and articles online about conflict resolution, and here is a brief video on the Speed Lea’s levels of conflict: